05. ending

she had been doing well. her paper sculptures had been one of the top sellers so far and she had been managing all the accountings on her own. its her business and no one would take that away. we would only facilitate the best conditions for her. this residency would be here as long as this country does not turn into a fail state. there are fundings from both the private and public sector to sustain this institution. so said the doctor on this recent visit by kim.

as a result of her illness, kam also came to understand herself better. she found relief in this quiet abode with the little crowd (the doctor, the nurse and the housekeeper, although she would prefer them not the change the housekeeper so frequently) except for the occasional visits by her family and close friends. her web-based business is going well and she continues to earn her own keeps. the wonders of the internet, the wonders of being able to communicate and stay in touch with reality somewhat and the ability to make a living behind the flat screen.

as night falls and the stars started appearing, she pondered as she often did, would she ever be able to get out of here and gel with the crowd again? would she have to continue relying on the cocktail load of xanax, paxil and prozac for the rest of her life? as the saying goes, out of sight, out of mind. would she be able to handle the sort of askance and stigma that people here in general show towards mentally-ill patients should they come to know about her hidden illness? as she continue thinking, sleep overtook her.

04. the diagnosis

kim then made her way to the landlord's office. as was part of the routine, she would always talk to the house doctor station at the landlord's office before leaving the residency entirely. she had to understand the state of kam's condition and when or if she will ever be cured of the illness.

kam developed agoraphobia some three years ago. an anxiety disorder which often, in serious cases resulted in the fear of crowds. this is a mental disorder which was either rare in asia or possibly under-reported. kam's situation was considered an extreme case. she would actually faint on public transport when the crowds gathered. initially, the doctor diagnosed it as a case of anemia. however, it got worse as time passes. she started fainting out of the blue during the scientific conferences and during lunch hours when she was queuing up for food in the cafeteria.

kam's mum thought she was possessed by some demons and went to several taoist-based temples to look for help from the mediums who were supposed to be able to transcend god's message. she even went to the mediums of the hindus and muslims to seek help in case it was a demon from a different religion group. this might sound exaggerated but it could happen. the diagnosis was always the same. burnt the tailsmen into a cup of clear water and made sure your daughter took three sips of water from the cup. this would only be a temporary relief; it would take a long time for your daughter to recover.

and yes, kam needed time. plenty of it. it was only after she was being passed onto the neuroscience department that a psychiatrist got to assess kam. after six months of observations and psychiatric sessions, a somewhat comprehensive set of data on the illness was collected. that also allowed a treatment protocol to be in place. by that time, kam was already on her way being "relocated" to her current living premises. her condition was only made known to a few people at that time.

03. the meeting

kim knocked on kam's door at 1pm sharp. the wait for kam to open her door felt like eternity to kim. as she heard the door knob turning, kim heaved a sign of relief. the last time when kam did not open the door, even after repeated knocking and shouting, happened about a year ago. when kim finally got into her house, kam was just deeply engrossed with her paper sculpturing work. she seemed to have shut out the rest of the world.

after the usual exchange of pleasantries, kim began to give kam a brief update about the lives of some of their common friends. joey got married and mindy and husband are expecting their first child. another friend's parents passed away due to old age and also some of the recent developments in the forensic industry. kim also told kam that she would not be able to visit her next month as she will be out-station for work purposes. kam also mentioned that her parents and siblings are also rather busy with their lives and she is perfectly happy doing what she is doing now. the days as a forensic scientist were long archived into one corner of the mind.

the afternoon whizzed passed rather quickly and before long, kim had to leave. she completed a skeletal paper sculpture of a flamingo and decided to leave it with kam. she would return some months later to finish up the colorings. after making sure that kam would remember to take her dinner, she left kam's place.